CULTURE SHOCK: The Jingle Bells Affair
by Felicia Angel
Summary: Another AU episode of the same titleElaine and Celeste help in the holiday madness that ensues when a visiting chairman wants to experience American Christmas...


Disclaimer: I'm still doing these?

Notes: MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU CAPTIALIST SO-AND-SO'S!

Synopsis: A visiting chairman needs a translator for better work. Elaine gets to see Napoleon again, with some problems on the side. Celeste learns that Illya has no ill-will towards American holidays, but doesn't want to say what he wants for Christmas. Also some problems with bombs, attacks, and generally non-Christmas cheer.

CULTURE SHOCK

**Part 7: The Jingle Bells Affair**

"Chairman Gregori Koz, the 'Bear of the Balkans'," Celeste looked up from her own reading as Elaine let out what sounded like a curse in Serbian. Or was it Croatian?

"What's wrong?"

"Napoleon and Illya are assigned to this case; they're helping as body guards."

Celeste knew this already: they had been requested. "Really?"

Elaine glared at her. "Are you on speaking terms with Napoleon again?"

Celeste shifted. "After Illya forced some compliance out of the both of us, yes, I was on speaking terms with him. He's still trying to work his schedule in to where he can run into you. I guess now is a good excuse."

"It's _not _a good excuse. I have to focus on not messing this up. The Chairman wants to learn more about American lifestyle, and he comes to New York during the busiest part of the holidays to do it. It's my job to ensure that translations fall through to a point, and yours it to help keep me out of trouble. _Their _job is protecting the Chairman. That _doesn't,_" she walked over to emphasize her point, "mean that I need to talk, look at or converse with him. Tell him that for me, 'kay?"

Celeste raised her eyebrows, then looked back at her book. "Aside from it being a family occupation, do you see the words 'Postal Service' on me anywhere?"

"No."

"Am I a computer with any type of Instant Messenger on it?"

"No."

"And as you obviously have a voice," Celeste fixed her friend with her own glare as she closed the argument, "you go and tell him yourself."

* * *

Illya looked up at Napoleon as they waited for Elaine and Celeste to return with the Chairman. "Have you rehearsed what you are to say to her?"

"She told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I said a word to her that didn't relate to the mission she's beat me into next year."

"And Celeste?"

"Didn't want to get involved and said it would be my own funeral if I tried." He looked at Illya, who shook his head.

"My friend, you are on your own."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

* * *

"Is this," Chairman Koz's assistant, a slightly slimy man named Radish asked as Celeste stuck her head out the window upon seeing that they were passing the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and the giant float balloons were passing by, "normal of Americans?"

"No, only her," Elaine muttered, glaring at her friend as she yelped, "They have _BULLWINKLE_! And they have Underdog! I can't believe it! This is so cool!"

Napoleon looked over and tugged at the hem of the coat that Celeste was wearing, a leather coat with fur trim that had once belonged her sister Sue. "Celeste, get back in before something happens."

Celeste came in enough to say, "Napoleon, a _slug _waiting for it to rain salt water from the sky moves faster then the traffic is moving right now, and I've never seen that other then on TV. Let me indulge in being childish." She paused and looked over at the Chairman before giving her best 'I'm so innocent and sweet and kind' look. "You don't mind, do you sir? It's a dream of mine!"

Gregori Koz laughed and waved. "Let her have her fun. As she says, it is slow traffic and she wants to see it. But what is this all about?"

"The parade?" Elaine asked, then at his nod said, "Another modern American holiday tradition that, even though it does not make sense, is still vastly entertaining. Even I don't get it, and I grew up with it."

The Chairman laughed at that as Celeste yelped, "It's almost over!"

Illya looked at what part of her he could see. "How can you tell?"

"I can see Jolly Old Saint Nick's float, and there are no ones after him. Or if there are, they're not worth seeing and the crowds start to thin anyway."

Koz and Radish looked to Elaine as she said, "Some say that Santa Claus has roots in the folk figure of Saint Nicholas. He decides if children have been bad or good, and if they're good, they get a nice present. I, however, believe that Santa is the collective invention of countless parents who just needed an excuse for their child not to get that hundred-dollar train set. Santa said you were bad, honey, so you get coal in your stocking..." She smirked at that, "Coal isn't that much of a punishment. I just used it to draw all over things..."

"Which," Celeste said as she came back in, "is why you are the way you are, I guess. My parents didn't bother with the coal thing...if we were bad, we just didn't get the toy we wanted, and ponies don't do well in high altitudes, that's why you didn't get one."

Radish snorted, "So a way to coerce children."

"No, traumatize later on in life," Celeste told him with a grin, "but another good parenting skill passed on from generation to generation, and a way to ensure the kids at least each all their food during two months of the year." She paused then added, "Also the best excuse to stop working and go to visit your family, celebrate those who are with you and those who aren't, have a good time together before avoiding each other for the rest of the year. It's general well-being and gooey goodness...I blame the awful weather, but," she shrugged, "it's just one way to do things."

Elaine looked at her then said, "You never had a bad one, did you?"

"Two away from home, one with decent turkey for once and the other with my first fried one, and another one where we went to this really nice restaurant..."

"So," the Chairman asked, "Thanksgiving is...good?"

"Depending on the company," Napoleon told him, "but it also marks the beginning of the Christmas shopping season."

Radish sneered again. "The time for the rich to get richer and the poor, poorer."

Celeste cast Elaine a look that signaled she was ready to say a few things that probably wouldn't be politically correct, but she would unless Elaine spoke up. "Not necessarily," Elaine wasn't fast enough as Celeste added in, "I haven't been the richest the past few years, and so I couldn't get exactly what my family wanted, but I got them surprises with what I had, and while, money-wise, I didn't have as much, it was the surprise and gratitude for such gifts that was better for me the money."

"Thank you for _that _Hallmark moment," Elaine said with some sarcasm.

"Well, it _was!_"

Radish sneered, "Still, all these parades, circuses..."

"What's wrong with that?" Elaine asked, "Parades and circuses aren't just to pull wool over our eyes."

The debate would've gone further had someone not decided to toss a bomb at them.

* * *

Celeste ruffled her hair, looking around the room before back at Elaine. "You staying here?"

"The Chairman would like a translator, and they have a spare room."

Celeste nodded, taking out a travel bag and smiling at her friend. "Mind if I join? The firecracker and crowd must be a nice little toll on Waverly and group, so I guess we won't see them again until tomorrow. How's the Chairman and Mr. Grinch?"

"Grin—oh, Radish. Both are safe and have security on them. This part is fine and not easily accessible either, so we're good." Elaine frowned. "Why are people so stupid?"

"It's a requirement: no one is allowed to be considered human unless they have some type of prejudice that is affected by others and forces them to never see the other side until either later on in life or until smacked in the face with it. In this case, Eastern and Western worlds can't live together."

Elaine snorted. "I know which group comes next. I'm just scared for what my kids have to deal with."

Celeste shrugged at that. "Come on, let's rustle up something for dinner and then go to bed. Oh, Elaine?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Thanksgiving."

_Act 1: "Macy's...One Store I Hate Stepping Foot In."_

"He wants to WHAT? It's BLACK FRIDAY!"

Illya sighed. "He said tomorrow."

Celeste shook her head. "Start of the holiday season and he wants a tour of Macy's in New York. I feel a headache coming on."

Napoleon groaned from the chair as he planted himself in it. "I already have one. Mr. Macy did agree to the tour and helping us with what security we can, but he can't promise full-proof security. On top of that, Radish probably isn't going to be very helpful either."

Elaine stormed in, muttering obscenities in Serbian-Croatian that vaguely involved Radish before closing the door to the bedroom behind her.

Celeste sighed. "A headache, and a walk into Macy's. Macy's...one store I hate stepping foot in."

Napoleon smiled at her, "It's not _that _bad."

"I shop at thrift stores, Napoleon, and that's when I _do _shop for clothing." She stopped at a thought then asked, "Illya, why didn't you protest him calling you American yesterday? Did you get your green card or something?"

Illya shifted. "Or something, Celeste. There was...an issue, over if I should be granted rights as an American citizen or not. As such, it is also on debate if I should still have my rights as a citizen of the USSR."

"So you see the problem," Napoleon told her, "He's not American, but he's not Russian either."

"Ouch," Celeste muttered. "Sorry I brought it up."

Illya waved it off. "Russia is my home in my heart, and that is sometimes all that matters."

Celeste smiled at that. "Spoken like a true man who secretly reads Hallmark cards for good pick-up lines."

"I don't need to read those cards...I have Napoleon."

"Hey."

* * *

"I dunno what's worse," Elaine muttered as they got ready for the trip the next day, "The fact that we all got awards or the fact that we got the Elena Brutkin Co-Existence Award or the fact that they got the Sergi Brutkin one as well."

Celeste smirked, ready to go as she waited for Elaine to finish. "I like it. Another medal that I can't add to my uniform since it's being phased out and I doubt they would think we were alive back in this day. Besides, at least we can look around a cheaper Macy's for the holidays."

Elaine grumbled, "If he tries to get me anything..."

Celeste rolled her eyes as they walked out. "You need to thaw out a little more. If you don't, he might get his tongue stuck to you..."

Barely missing the hit, Celeste raced ahead to the waiting car and kept her distance from Elaine as they entered the largest store in New York and the world.

* * *

The place was, of course, crowded, but not overly so like it probably had been yesterday and the tour with Mr. Macy was enjoyable. The girls and Napoleon had given pocket change to the Salvation Army woman outside, which had prompted Chairman Koz to ask about her branch. Elaine had explained it in Serbian, so it appeared he understood a little easier then if anyone else had said something.

More of the tension was broken when Elaine flawlessly translated for the two, though Radish's pronouncement of the store being a lie and focusing on the rich was handled well by Mr. Macy. Radish's try to speak to a 'random housewife' was not, and handled easily by Celeste, who smiled happily and told her it was for a newspaper across the Iron Curtain about Macy's and the holidays here, then apologizing for his rudeness as he was new to taking samplings of Americans. The woman had taken it for the truth and left without a fuss.

Celeste shook her head at Radish as Koz said, "You are good at handling these things, Miss Lancaster."

"I used to work customer service," she told him, "we had to handle people that didn't like us. Plus I learned how to sweet-talk people early on in my last job. Shall we continue?"

Koz nodded, a glare at Radish for his work before he asked Mr. Macy if he could get something...a gift...for his wife.

"Let it be our gift. What was it?"

"ah.."

Illya and Napoleon took over as Illya said it was in the lingerie department, and Napoleon described it as a black lace sleeping gown.

"Ah, a nightgown?" Radish sounded scandalized, causing Koz to glare at him again.

"What's the matter, Maxim, isn't my wife entitled to a nightgown?"

Celeste hid her smile as Elaine looked everywhere but the situation before the group once more headed upstairs and saw the nightgown in question.

"What do you think?" Koz asked, "Nice, hmm?"

Radish looked disbelievingly at the piece of fabric. "With our winters, she will freeze to death."

Celeste said, "Well, if it gets the thoughts going that it's supposed to...I think both will be quite warm."

Elaine elbowed her friend and shook her head as Mr. Macy asked, "May I ask what size she wears?"

"Well, she's um...well...um..." the hands grew further apart with each 'um' and Mr. Macy looked like he was ready to call in special order or just blew a gasket in his head.

"In our country," Radish said, "women are women."

"In our country, that's one good-sized lady," Celeste muttered as Illya and Koz seemed to share the general knowledge of large women while Elaine looked skyward, thus not noticing Napoleon's interaction with the Salvation Army girl and Celeste and Illya doing the best job to make sure she didn't find out about it as they continued and finally entered their Planning Room.

* * *

"You—ah f—don't cut that cake!" Celeste pulled the Chairman away as Napoleon pushed the cake to the balcony window and leapt aside just as the thing exploded, causing a good amount of confusion in the room before it was laid to rest and the tour was cut short.

The Chairman looked over at the two girls, who were sitting in the back with him, before saying, "That...does not always happen?"

"No, not everyone thinks of exploding cakes," Elaine told him, "and this is not boding well for the holidays. I was hoping for a quiet one this year."

Celeste snorted. "We've had too many, this one obviously wants to be action-packed."

The Chairman sighed, then said, "Tell me, how is life here?"

The two shrugged, not wanting to go into their lives. Not getting any words, the Chairman began to speak of what he had faced, speaking of the Revolution and his part in it, of how he gained his names and causing the two to smile before Elaine said, "I didn't want to learn Serbian, and when I first heard it, it sounded like that actor, Sean Connery, through a blender."

The Chairman laughed. "English is not the most eloquent of languages."

"It's one of the hardest," Celeste said, "I live somewhere that, despite all teachings otherwise, the words 'I ain't never seen it' are considered grammatically correct."

The Chairman paused then let out a laugh as Radish looked even more put out then usual.

* * *

"I'd blame Radish, but we don't have any solid proof," Celeste reported to Napoleon and Illya, who hadn't gotten to stay at the embassy, "What about you guys?"

"The same," Illya reported, "but how are things?"

"He's talking to Elaine about what might be good on. She suggested a Western. We're also waiting on Radish, he said he went out to look for a decent Santa School."

Illya sighed. "I don't understand it at all."

"They can't all be from _Miracle on 34__th__ Street_, Illya, a few have to be drunkards and weirdoes and those who just need the extra job during the holidays."

"Ah. Well, hopefully nothing will go wrong."

Celeste looked skyward as there was a pause on the other end. "I just jinxed it, didn't I?"

"Let's hope Napoleon's Luck will counter that jinx. Goodnight, Illya."

"Goodnight."

* * *

The minute they walked into the Santa School and looked around, Celeste took the time to walk over and calmly punch Illya in the arm. He didn't say anything as Koz looked to Elaine for why this action happened.

"I think she thinks he jinxed us."

"He did," Celeste told them with a glare to Illya.

"Oh. Well, she seems to think hitting the one responsible is good."

"Then shouldn't she hit Radish?" Koz questioned.

Celeste answered, "Illya _jinxed _us, so he gets a light tap. Radish _set this up_, so he gets a few all-American hazing instances for him. I think I'll introduce him to a swirly...and no, I'm not telling you what that is."

The group stopped to come over and speak to Koz, one of them suggesting he could work the Polish sector while Napoleon said hello to the lady, saying that their meeting must be 'kismet'.

Celeste and Illya looked over at each other before Illya muttered, "And an old folk rhyme."

Elaine looked at the girl then back at the two. "You're both odd."

They smiled at her as the group got some coffee and watched the Santa students at work.

_Act 2: "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch..."_

Celeste and Elaine stayed seated through the heated debate of if the Chairman could 'Santa-up' and tried hard to not make side-bets about it either.

Or laugh as the Chairman came out, though it was obvious that Celeste badly wanted a camera for later purposes as he walked over, pronouncing he would show the group how to be 'Santa'.

Elaine put her head on the table and tried hard to not start using it as a way to get the images and sounds out of her mind.

Napoleon and Illya had to stay, straight-faced, near the Chairman and that was punishment enough.

As the 'teacher' decided to sit on the lap of the Chairman-Santa, Celeste looked over to Elaine. "Hey, Elaine..."

"You didn't make the donkey jokes, I stay silent at this."

Soon afterwards, Napoleon and Illya joined them, both watching from the table area as the Irish accent went against the Slavic accent.

"This," Celeste said, "is better then some of the comedies I've seen in a while."

"That's sad," Illya told her.

Celeste paused then nodded, "Yeah, but at least I know real life has it's moments."

Illya shook his head. "Well, this moment might have to go down in history," as the Chairman and head of the Santa school started a fight after the Chairman was hit, then the lady and the rest started up "O Little Town of Bethlehem" as Elaine raised her head then lowered it again.

"He certainly looks like Santa," Napoleon said, "and it is very red."

Of course, that was the moment all hell had to break loose.

* * *

Elaine raced off with the girl and the Chairman as Illya tossed the smoke bomb, Napoleon's words of "He who fights and runs away," helping the chairman along and up to the stairs while Celeste, caught with Napoleon and Illya behind the counter, hid and worried.

The trio hurried along the rooftop as the woman complained about gangsters and how they were a disgrace.

"He's not...oh for the love of—"

"Radish was right..."

"He wasn't!" The three stopped in a well-furnished room and Elaine ran a hand through her hair. "Look, lady, he's not a gangster, he's here to see how American life is and so far he's been getting the not-so-nice part. And you, Koz," she turned as she watched him take off the beard and hair, "this _isn't _real American life in any time! This is you with people who don't want relations to work! They should, though, and they will! Hopefully, I mean," she sighed, then sat next to him, "I'm stuck here for a year. You think I wanted to spend Christmas here with you guys? I wanted it to be nice and quiet, but instead I get to baby sit _you_, who has somehow beaten Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin at being accident-prone, and gotten shot at and nearly blown-up twice. This isn't fun and this is real life. A soldier of war should realize that, not go crying just because he had a bad night."

Koz looked over at her as the lady blinked. "He's Mr. Koz? I mean...that's...would you like a coffee?"

Koz sighed. "No...but if you have vodka..."

"She doesn't," Elaine told him, "I can guess it."

The lady nodded and sat in the next available chair. "Well, now what?"

Koz smiled at her, sitting up to touch her hand. "My dear, history will remember you as the woman who helped save my life tonight. And who helped Miss Salomon as well. And Miss Salomon...I am sorry."

Elaine shook her head. "Sorry won't cut it here. We need to get in contact with Napoleon and Illya, or hope they follow us here and find us before whoever those failed gangsters were do."

At that there was a knock on the door, the name "Priscilla" coming through as they found out the woman behind it needed her to help with her son.

Koz started to say something about the medicine and Elaine said, "Oh, be quiet! Wait..." she looked over at the lady. "Will Santa help out?"

"But then who--."

"One of the elves, assigned to look like a human and help him out. You've been talking to poor Slavic kids all day so your accent hasn't left just yet, now put your beard on and let's spread some cheer, and maybe it'll get us some time."

* * *

Illya stopped as he ran into Celeste. "What are you doing here?"

"Like I was going to stay in the bullet-ridden bar. Where's Napoleon?"

"Rooftops. I had to check down here."

"And?"

"It doesn't help he was in the Santa suit."

Celeste looked skyward. "I'll help out, but I don't know if Elaine has her communicator on or not. Let's hope we find them."

* * *

Elaine sat on the steps with the Chairman, waiting on word of the limo and doctor before saying, "Well, at least she said he was Jewish."

"What?"

"Not everyone says Christ was Jewish," she told him, "one of the many lovely problems with this country and freedom." She looked at him. "One of the problems with the world, really, not just with you being such a Grinch."

"A what?"

"A fairy tale for this holiday, written by a guy who brought children lots of such stories before he died. Once there was a town that loved Christmas with all its heart. In the mountains nearby lived a being called the Grinch, who disliked it too much and got tired of all the noise the presents generated. One day, he got the idea to pretend to be Santa and steal the presents and food away from the village so he could get some peace. So he spent all night stealing it and then taking it to the top of a peak, then paused long enough to listen for the sounds of sadness that would come. Instead, what he heard was songs and laughter, the same as every year. He couldn't understand how it would come without presents, tags, or anything else, then realized that Christmas came from somewhere other then stores and Santa. It wasn't the person, it was the _idea_, the love that people had for it, that made Christmas the way it was. So he returned the items and was happy."

The chairman snorted. "He should've stayed away."

Elaine smiled. "Yeah. Think of all the noise he would deal with, all the lonely times, and, most of all, all the misunderstanding he would have because he stayed away." She looked over at the place. "I am pragmatic and sarcastic, and I have all the right to be. I live in this capitalist world and do what I can to encourage it at times, but that doesn't mean its evil. Those who are trying to get you aren't always going to be your enemies."

Koz looked at her then asked, "Do you think he has a chance?"

She smiled at him then. "You're not a Grinch, just a Scrooge. Of course, as both of them change, it's not like too many bad things will come our way now, huh?"

He shook his head. "No. I do not believe they will."

* * *

"Next time," Celeste said at the trio walked into Waverly's office with no Chairman or his whereabouts, "I'm tagging our guys with trackers."

"If there is a next time," Napoleon muttered.

"There should be," Illya pointed out, "as long as he's smart enough to find his way back."

"Well, considering he _is _the Chairman of a whole country—" The trio fell silent as they walked in and began their story.

_Act 3: "Christmas Cheer goes Bah Humbug"_

It appeared the only two who the Chairman was listening to the night Napoleon and Illya were sent in to try and talk him out of his angry stupor was Radish or Elaine, but Elaine was tired as well from the chase and was obviously not about to have any such luck. She insisted on having Celeste or one of the two gentlemen remain with her for her own protection, and while Koz started to yell again, Elaine silenced him with a few of her own words, all spoken in Serbian-Croatian and all of them obviously surprising the two visitors before he agreed and chose Napoleon to stay with them while the other two were sent out.

Celeste stopped at the door as she got her things and looked up at Napoleon. "In view of the holiday spirit going around so suddenly...remember that ice _does _stick to the tongue."

"Ha ha," Napoleon said without any humor, "I just hope we can calm him down before he denounces us and peace with it."

Celeste nodded. "If anyone could, it's you two. In the meantime, Illya and I get to track bad people and hopefully not get caught."

"You two get all the fun jobs."

Rolling her eyes, Celeste headed out to where Illya waited and the two left the hotel.

* * *

Sitting stuck in the midst of the holiday turkeys and quite put out that they had caught Radish but got jumped by his two burly henchmen, Celeste looked over at Illya. "That was my bad."

"So it would seem," at least he didn't sound annoyed as he moved a little, the two tied to a pole between the turkey cages as Illya asked, "What time is it?"

Radish answered for them, "It is exactly 2 o'clock. In fifteen minutes, we shall mourn the passing of my dearest friend, Georgi Koz."

Celeste looked at Illya, who said nothing and she frowned, looking back over at the man. "Is no peace really that important to you?"

"Oh, but there will be peace...when the _true _way is shown to the capitalists who do nothing but show off and pretend."

Celeste put her head down. "I've had enough propaganda for one life, don't even _start,_ please."

The man smirked and then began to pace as he gave them a running commentary of the time while Celeste looked over at the turkeys, who were suddenly much more interesting.

"It is now six minutes after two!"

"What time's lunch?" Illya asked.

"Good question," Celeste said, "all this talk about who's going to die in a bloody mess makes _me_ hungry."

Radish gave them a smile before saying, "Of course, of course! Anytime at all!" He moved over, then tossed a handful of feed mostly on Illya and wiped his hands clean. "There you are, _comrade_."

Celeste looked over at him then said, "Good?"

"Yum," he said deadpan as Celeste blinked at the sudden nip at her bound wrists, but didn't turn to see how the turkey was doing with it's own feast.

"It is now ten minutes after two..."

_Shut this man _up, Celeste thought as the turkey continued to bite at her rope while he continued to spout about how cool he was and how ingenious the plot to blow up the man who had been his friend was and that they couldn't escape to save Koz no matter what.

Illya freed himself a few seconds before Celeste did as Radish past by, his helper too busy reading a magazine to notice that as Celeste signaled she needed to work off some steam.

"It is now eleven minutes past two—"

Feed was tossed in Radish's face, sending him down as Celeste moved forward to kick the other man, sending him down while, when Radish came back, she threw her leg up then down, knocking him to the ground before saying, "And it is high time you _shut up!_"

Illya was heading out the door and Celeste kicked Radish once more before following.

* * *

Napoleon looked over at Elaine as she stormed in.

"No luck?"

"None. The guy's convinced everyone but me and that Priscilla lady is out to get him. Plus no word from Celeste and Illya, which means someone got jinxed." She looked outside then sighed. "This probably isn't going to end well."

Napoleon gave her a small smile. "Probably not. But we can at least say we tried to make it work."

Elaine looked over at him then back out. "Napoleon..."

"As awkward as it was, Elaine, we didn't recall and...at the risk of not sounding tactful," he turned to face her, making sure she looked up at him as he did, "if it doesn't happen again that's fine. If you want to continue to avoid me, that's fine as well. But it did happen, and for what it's worth I should've been more considerate when my memory came back."

Elaine gave him a small smile. "Well, I shouldn't have pointed that gun at you." She sighed. "As much as I hate it...friends?"

He nodded. "Now, let's see about keeping the Chairman safe and hope he doesn't actually deliver that speech."

Elaine gave a short laugh. "Napoleon, only a miracle will let that happen."

_Act 4: "You say another cliché Christmas thing and I'll--."  
_

Miraculous save from the exploding car or not, the Chairman was now big on tearing up the speech and all other happy thoughts that were American. Of course, he wasn't about to be a complete saint, having decided the best punishment for his scheming advisor and the friends would be a trip back home in steerage with poultry for company.

One of the first things he did was to ensure the young boy he had met earlier was taken care of, and while the doctor was there, he was under orders to help the other children as well.

So the day after, having wanted to 'keep Koz happy', the group was down at the said hospital helping out, Waverly having joined as well and bringing out a chess set almost immediately to play against one of the boys. Napoleon, Elaine and Priscilla worked on decorating the tree, Elaine getting some gold pieces in her hair as they did. Celeste had pulled out a few books and was reading them to a grouping of children that had, despite their sickness, adopted her and were listening to the story. Illya spoke briefly to Mr. Waverly about it before going to watch Celeste while the mother of the sick boy, who it appeared would make a full recovery, thanked the doctor and Koz.

And then Koz showed that he wasn't above not keeping a schedule as he appeared in his Santa outfit and handed out presents that he had apparently gone to Macy's to get.

Celeste smiled and stretched as she came up besides Illya. "I'm glad we got a chance for a shower before we came here. Still…all this holiday spirit…"

"Too much?"

"I see one more clichéd holiday--."

One boy pointed, and the others smiled and clapped as both of them looked up and Celeste sighed, spotting the mistletoe that one of the orderlies was holding over them with a smile.

The two looked at the orderly with twin glares before Illya turned Celeste to face him and gave her a chaste kiss before taking the mistletoe away and walking off.

Celeste's glare never left the now-timid orderly until they headed back to the main offices.

* * *

The weeks leading up to Christmas weren't very hectic, Waverly was happy to see, though notes and complaints about Celeste taking down mistletoe that some of the secretaries had hung in certain spots with well-aimed paper clips and rubber bands worried him about the girl's holiday cheer.

Elaine was the only one who didn't complain…if anything, she encouraged it, though considering that Mr. Solo was trying to talk to her and had the perchance of running into her in corridors that previously were riddled with the mistletoe might have been a factor in that.

The odd thing was what Celeste had also done in a fit of holiday cheer and suggested that some of the groups who worked closer together do a 'secret Santa' for the rest of the department who worked with them. Many had taken to the idea, and Waverly was hoping he was excluded from this cheer with Miss Dancer came in, plush reindeer antlers on, and said that, since there was no other Section One member in New York, he would be drawing from the Section 2 pile, and that she was quite sure someone had already drawn his name.

With a sigh, he pulled out Mr. Solo's name as Miss Dancer headed out to find the rest of those who would be here for the Christmas holidays.

Waverly decided mistletoe and Christmas cheer would be forgotten next year, if he had any say in it.

* * *

"I would think," Celeste said as she took the bag of items, "that I was impossible to shop for in this era. Lord knows Elaine's a little hard to shop for."

Illya gave her a smile. "Napoleon as well. I heard that Mr. Waverly drew him for that Secret Santa."

"He obviously didn't hear you don't have to draw a name, but," she shrugged, "that just makes you all the more a Scrooge…or a Grinch."

Shaking his head, Illya helped Celeste into the cab before asking, "And what's my gift?"

"You're a spy, figure it out yourself."

Illya smiled at her again. "One wonders why we have such a good…whatever this is, and yet Elaine and Napoleon do not."

"You haven't weighed the consequences of anything yet," Celeste pointed out, "when you do, I'm sure I'll have to take pointers from Napoleon on tracking and talking you off of whatever emotional ledge you're on."

Truth be told, but not to Celeste, Illya _had _weighed and considered all that was and had happened. He knew that Elaine was emotionally a wreak and Napoleon helped to fix it somewhat, but at the same time, the difference in Time would become a major factor. That they had slept together due to the amnesia drug was also one that both were still getting over, as well as what Napoleon had not meant to say later on.

But the idea of that still played in Illya's mind, and he was sure that they did with Celeste as well. They made a good team, but in terms of the best team, he and Napoleon…

Illya leaned against the back of the cab as he considered it all. No matter what happened, when the year was over, Celeste and Elaine would be back in whatever year they were from, and no longer connected to the two spies. It was possible, thought not very, that he and Napoleon might be alive in that time, but far older. The fact that Elaine's older brother was born in 1983, which was a good eighteen years before them, spoke of how far in the future they were from, and how much farther they were going to have to go before they returned.

"So what's got you all sullen?" Celeste asked, causing Illya to look at her as the cab stopped and they got out, Illya paying the fee before he said, "I was just thinking…of the future."

Celeste frowned at him, then said, "Well, it's there, that's for sure. I can't say how good it will be, but it's there."

* * *

_December 25, 1965_

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Waverly," April handed over the brightly-wrapped present with some flair, causing a few people to roll their eyes despite the time of year. Celeste and Elaine had been able to come in their semi-sleeping wear, which for Celeste consisted of a large red sweater that had a dragon in a Mickey Mouse design, and long running sweats that covered most of her tennis shoes, her own present in a bag with a Christmas setting. Elaine's dress was much the same, though a fuzzy bathrobe covered her instead as Waverly smiled upon seeing the new humidor that he had gotten, full of some of his favorite tobacco.

Solo gave April her present, a small bottle of perfume she had wanted for most of the year but been unable to get, to which she gave him a kiss on the cheek. Waverly's present to Solo was a small book used to 'keep track of appointments, not dates' that Napoleon accepted with some humility. Mark had gotten Elaine a pair of fuzzy slippers and a book on Japan she had mentioned wanting, which earned a hug before she told him that he would've gotten a kiss had he not looked like her step dad when he was in high school…though he had a better haircut.

Illya handed Mark his present, which Mark said he would open later after he saw Illya's present. Illya said he had put it away already, and with a pout Mark put his away to open later on, though he was seen rattling it for sound later that day.

* * *

A small party was in full swing when Celeste returned to her room in a not-so-jolly mood, muttering dark things about what the holiday spirit could do to itself as Elaine dressed up for the party.

"Not coming?"

"I've had enough of the holidays, thanks."

Elaine frowned. "You were having a good time."

"I enjoy it with my family, not with some people who start saying what they want to when the champagne starts flowing. You go. I'm staying in to read about black magic taking over the world."

Elaine shrugged. "Okay. Are there mistletoe twigs around?"

"Not that I saw," Celeste went into the bedroom, "night."

Shaking her head, Elaine walked out and, halfway there, stopped upon seeing Napoleon again.

"Ah…we have a problem."

Elaine looked up, seeing the small twig that had missed Celeste's inspection, then sighed. "Well…Merry Christmas."


End file.
